There's gay Black people, they could celebrate from June 1, June 31, 61 days to celebrate.Īlright, that's all my time. Look, how about you hook 'em up with July? These are equator people. That's a little long, don't you think? For a group of people that were never enslaved? How did they get all of June? Dude, Black people were actually enslaved. He goes, "Oh, it's Gay Pride Month." And I was just like, "Ohhhhh!"ĭude, you know when you're just like stuck in the matrix and you just can't-everything's just pressed up? You can't see anything, and then somebody gives you that little nugget of information that just pulls it back? "Why's it so crowded?" "It's Gay Pride Month." Oh! Tank tops! Zero-percent body fat! Two guys kissing! Rainbow flags! Aahhh! I didn't know that. It's June." He goes, "It's Pride Month." And I'm like, "What's that?" You know, I'm 52. So I finally walked up to this old New York door guy and I was just like, "Dude, what's going on? What's with all these people here?" And he was just like, "Oh no, no, no, don't worry. I'm like, "What's going on? How much, people not using safe sex and making all these babies," you know? And I immediately noticed how extra-crowded the city was. And I hadn't been here in, like, 13 years. Had a great time with Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson and all the guys. So, I haven't been in New York for about a year, you know? I was here last year, I was shooting a movie. Yeah, that's what you did! That's what you did! So why don't you shut up, sit down next to me and take your talking-to? Thank you. And, occasionally, when you wanted to sneak off and hook up with a Black dude, if you got caught, you said it wasn't consensual.
But let's go back in history here, OK? You guys stood by us toxic white males through centuries of our crimes against humanity. Listen, I don't want to speak ill of my b***hes here, OK? I don't. Where's the camera? The nerve of you white women. You have no idea what it's like to be me." Trashing white guys. "I'm hurt, with my SUV and my heated seats. I've never heard so much complaining in my life from white women. And then somehow, white women swung their Gucci-booted feet over the fence of oppression and stuck themselves at the front of the line. And it was about that, for about eight seconds. Just to refresh your memory: The woke movement was supposed to be about people of color-not getting opportunities, the at-bats that they deserve-finally making that happen. I gotta tell you, the way white women somehow hijacked the woke movement, generals around the world should be analyzing this. Amazing, your accomplishments over the last few years. Let's talk white women here, shall we? Let's talk white women-you're amazing. Just keep making the cookies!" You don't bring up race or religion with your grandparents. You never talked to your grandparents and brought up the wrong subject? And all of a sudden they went off the rails? Like, "Oh, wow, Grandma. They're like, "Did you hear what he said in that interview in Playboy in 1970? Can you believe that?" It's like, yeah, he was born in 1907. It's like, "Yeah, dude, God did that 40 years ago." They're all up in arms. You know, how stupid is that "canceled" thing? They're literally running out of people to cancel. I'll probably get "canceled" for doing that joke.
Old people can walk safely 40 blocks away. That's what happens when you stick an M&Ms store in Times Square, all right? The universe has to balance itself.
City started looking like a giant Bed, Bath & Beyond and then, bam! Old Ricky took one in the chops.
It's literally a dream come true.Īnd speaking of dreams come true: Did you see Rick Moranis got sucker-punched on the Upper West Side? New York is back, baby! New York is back! Yes! We lost our edge there for a minute. If you're that dumb and you want to kill your own family members, by all means, do it. The people we all cheated off of in high school, right? Keep listening to 'em.Īnd then, if you don't wear a mask, that doesn't bug me either, right? Take out your grandparents, you know? Take out your weak cousin with the asthma. Makes me feel comfortable that you're wearing masks. You guys all look like surgeons with your masks on. So thank you so much coming out during these difficult times. I have been doing standup forever, and this has always been a lifelong dream of mine, to come here and host Saturday Night Live. Bill Burr appears as host of "Saturday Night Live," on October, 10, 2020, in New York City.
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